Best health foods to benefit your sad life
In this day and age, it is hard to be happy all of the time like you should be. It seems that nowadays most people are forced to choose between what makes their tummy happy and what makes their heart happy. What if you could have the best of both worlds? When I’m hating my life and don’t want to live in this world, I say to myself, “Man, I could use a good American ham right now,” and I go and get one. Then my tummy rumbles and I go to the store and grab a big and juicy one. I eat, and I no longer feel worthless. That’s my favorite heart food; however, that is not a health food. I’m not dumb, I’m not dumb, stop calling me dumb, I know what health is and I love food. Knowing that I like burgers, what health food can YOU eat to stave off suicidal thoughts? Here is a top 5 list. Make sure that you actually read the entries, don’t just look at the titles and leave please, you idiot – I know you are.
1. Mr. Mama’s Xtra Sloppy Salad
I know what you’re thinking: “Mr. Mama? They serve fast food. Are you sick in the head? I’m going to f-cking kill you tomorrow” Well hold off and hear me out. It contains lettuce, which is green and good for you. It is also topped with Mr. Mama’s secret sloppy sauce, which shifts your tastebuds into overdrive, transporting you into culinary heaven, where you can’t think about how sad your life actually is.
2. Dopesauce Ener-G Drink
One of the things that makes me the most sad about my life is that all I do is work. I slave away 12 hours a day at a job that I hate, and I make just enough to pay for food and shelter. I come home so tired that I have absolutely no time to do what I am actually passionate about. Sometimes I enjoy a Dopesauce Ener-g Drink just so that I can stay awake and aware long enough to drive and get myself a fast food burger or such things. I would say that this one narrowly makes the list, but it is certainly a strong contender for the most happycore food drink.
3. Medication
Yes, this is a food. I know because I take them with every meal, so they are a good side dish. I’m not going to tell you what they are, but every time I take them I get really floaty and tingly. I’m not allowed to drive after I have my good meal, but I take these pills for my health and I have already established that they are a meal, so my meds have made the list; you, however, cannot have my meds because they are for my sad life, not yours.
4. Bro-Ganez
Yeah, I don’t have the time to exercise. Regardless, I try to give my body the protein that it needs after an entire f-cking day sitting in a cubicle at a call center. Bro-Ganez protein shakes taste like dirt, but they make me feel like I have control over my ruined body. I’ll admit, this one didn’t really struggle like the others did to gain a spot on this list, but that certainly does not make it any less valid as an entry. Bro-Ganez protein powder is the perfect workout drink, whether you are having it pre-workout, post-workout, or no-workout.
5. Mr. Slopper Limited Edition
Mr. Mama, now I know you’re aware of what you’re doing. You made the list again. Just like all good things in life, The Mr. Slopper Limited Edition is limited edition. Don’t make the same mistakes that I made. Seize the day, make something of yourself. Love somebody, devote yourself. Grab a Mr. Slopper Limited Edition, take a bite.
So yea, those are my top health foods that I think all people should eat. Cool.